I'll be home for Christmas
by Danni1989
Summary: Damon comes home for the first time in three years to find a different Elena than the one he left behind after the death of her mother. Can he fix Christmas and her? Written for the LJ A2A holiday exchange.


Written for a prompt by tvdbonesfanatic for the LJ A2A holiday exchange. I loved this prompt and it ended up being one of the longest stories I've ever written. Enjoy.

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"Welcome to Mystic Falls" the sign read as Damon Salvatore manoeuvred his blue Camaro down the winding highway. It had been three long years since he had been home. Easily crafted excuses and travel costs kept him from making the drive back home. It was a long ass drive all the way from the University of California San Diego, and many would question his decision to drive rather than fly. His reason was solid, it meant that it would take much longer to get home, a place he wasn't all too excited to arrive at. With his mother's death, everything had changed for him, nothing mattered anymore And all he knew was he had to leave this place, he was drowning in memories.

Now, three years later he was back for Christmas. He had gotten a phone call from his best friend Jeremy, begging him to come home for Christmas because they all needed him now more than ever. Jeremy had refused to explain anything over the phone, had said to just come home and he'd explain it all them. He drove past the Mystic Grill and remembered all the good times they had spent there over the years. Him, Jeremy and sometimes Jeremy's younger sister Elena. Elena, the main reason he was home. God, how he still loved her after three years.

He drove the familiar distance to the Gilbert house, a house he had spent many afternoons of his adolescence. It was the house he had first fallen in love with Elena in, he had been 18, a couple months before his mom died. She was comforting him as he had just found out his mother wasn't expected to see a new month. To survive the month…

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"_Are you going to be okay? Even if you aren't I'll be here for you." Seventeen year old Elena Gilbert told him._

"_My mother is dying Elena. Yeah, I know it's been gradually happening for a long time now, but still." He sighed. _

"_I know baby, but I told you I'd do anything to make sure you feel better. I love you Damon." She told him caressing his cheek tenderly. _

"_You already do everything I need by just being here." He told her. She offered him a small smile and leaned in to kiss him softly. _

"_Do you want to stay here, or do you want to go out and do something?" She asked laying her head on his shoulder. _

"_I don't want to go home, my house is so empty without my mom there. I don't want to go to the hospital, I want to have_

_better control over my emotions when I go see her." Damon said listing things he didn't want to do. _

"_We can just stay here, and I can hold you. I can hold you like you've held me every time something went wrong in my world. Like when my grandma died, you held me in bed for hours just being with me." She told him wrapping her arms around him. _

"_Can we go upstairs and lie down?" He asked hopefully, realizing that just holding her was all he wanted to do. _

"_Of course, Jeremy and my parents aren't home yet. They wouldn't approve of this now that we're together." Elena said. _

"_I know, Elena I never want to lose you." He told her as they walked upstairs hand in hand. _

"_You never will, I love you Damon." She told him kissing his cheek. _

_ When they got into her bedroom, she shut the door softly behind them and walked over to her bed. That bed had been a place of countless tender moments over the past couple months, and even more before then. There was just one line left that they hadn't crossed over in this bed. It was something that she had been considering more and more each day that they spent together. She laid her head on his chest and held him tight, knowing that's what he needed now more than anything. _

"_Is there anything I can do to take your mind off things?" She asked, feeling the tension still in his body. _

"_I don't want to push you Elena, we should just stay like this." He told her shaking his head. _

"_But I want to help you, Damon I'm ready for this if you want it too." She told him, raising herself up on her elbow so she could look in his eyes. _

"_I won't rush this with you Elena." He shook his head once again. _

"_You aren't, I'm offering. I'm ready for this Damon, and it's the best opportunity we're going to get. My parents and brother aren't home. I'm in love with you and you're in love with me. That's all I need to know to be okay with this." She assured him. He gave in with a sigh and rolled over on top of her. _

"_I wish you were my first Elena." He whispered before slanting his lips over hers. Clothing was quickly shed and he held her hands as he gently pushed into her for the first time. She hissed when he broke through the final barrier between them and when she had adjusted to him being inside her, he started moving slowly. _

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~DE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

Damon shook his head free of the thoughts that had gathered there and parked his car in front of the familiar house. He walked up the front walk and knocked on the door. Grayson Gilbert answered it moments later.

"Damon, you're here. Come on in." Grayson said letting him through the open doorway. Grayson had always surprised Damon, he had always been fine with Elena dating him. He even approved of it, both Elena and Damon had been relieved to know that.

"How are you Gray?" Damon asked as he walked into the living room.

"I've been better. You heard about Miranda's death right?" Grayson asked wiping a tear from his eye. It was clear that it was still hard on the middle aged man.

"I heard, I'm so sorry I wasn't able to come back for the funeral." Damon apologized.

"It's okay son, we all knew you were busy." Grayson brushed it off.

"Hey Jer, how's it going? Are you ready to tell me why you brought me back?" Damon asked when he found Jeremy in the living room.

"Yeah, take a seat." Jeremy insisted.

"Damon, Elena's been having a rough time since Miranda's passing." Grayson started.

"Is she okay?" Damon asked his mind flashing back to how he was when his mom died.

"No, I mean yeah she acts like she is, but she's not. She's taking it hard, she's lashed out at everyone. She drinks all the time, she doesn't speak to us. She won't go and take the classes she enrolled in at the college. She's a completely different person." Grayson stated worried.

"I had a similar phase when my mother passed. It doesn't last forever." Damon assured him.

"I know, but if she continues the way she is, we're going to lose her. I can't lose my daughter too, I already lost my wife." Grayson cried.

"Damon, can you go see her? Maybe get her to come home for Christmas. She ran away and is living with Caroline, which is good I guess. But Caroline called me up the other day and told me that Elena is going to the Grill to drink on Christmas, she's not celebrating. Is there any way you can go and talk to her. Maybe convince her to come home. You're the only one I can think of that can get through to her. She loves you still, I'm sure of it." Jeremy asked.

"I can try." Damon acquiesced, not at all sure how to get through to the girl he more or less abandoned.

"Thank you." Jeremy murmured.

"Yes thank you Damon, so much. You are probably my only chance of getting my little girl back. We're having Christmas dinner tomorrow night." Grayson told him.

"You're welcome. Do either of you have any ideas on where Elena could be?" Damon asked standing up and readjusting his signature leather jacket.

"Try Caroline's, if she's not there, Caroline should at least be able to tell her where she is." Jeremy suggested.

"Ugh Caroline Forbes, is she still as annoying as she used to be?" Damon asked dreading the visit.

"Sometimes, just not when it comes to Elena." Jeremy told him.

"Okay. I'll see you guys later, I'll call if I make progress." Damon told them.

"No, don't. Just bring her home." Grayson said. Damon nodded and said goodbye before getting into his car and driving over the Caroline's house.

"Oh thank God it's you. I need some help with Elena, desperately." Caroline enthused when she opened the door to find Damon standing on her front walk.

"That's why I'm here. Do you know where she is?" Damon asked.

"Probably at the Grill, drinking again. It's all she does, it's like she can't stand to look in the mirror when she's sober. She's my best friend I need you to help her." Caroline pleaded.

"I already had this conversation with Grayson and Jeremy, I am going to do my best. When my mom died I behaved similarly. Elena tried to help me through it but I bailed." He explained.

"Don't bail on her again, she was a wreck when you left. Then she got over it and then her mom died. The poor girl can't catch a break." Caroline spoke softly.

"So she's at the Grill most likely?" Damon clarified.

"Yes, that's where I would check." Caroline affirmed.

"Okay, thanks." Damon said rushing back to his car.

Damon parked in the familiar parking lot and walked through the door the Christmas decorated Mystic Grill. He spotted her immediately; sitting at the bar, beer in hand. At least she wasn't starting on the hard stuff yet. He walked up and took the stool next to hers.

"Can you get me a beer?" He asked Matt Donovan. Matt nodded and popped the cap off a beer for him. He took a swig of the drink and took a deep breath.

"Fancy seeing you here." He stated plastering a smile on his face, not entirely sure how she would react to seeing him.

"Why are you here?" She asked not turning to look at him. She brought the beer up to her lips and took a long drink.

"I was summoned here to deal with you." He told her.

"Well I don't need to be dealt with thank you very much, so why don't you just run along back to wherever it is that you belong?" She demanded.

"I've been told otherwise. I am not leaving until you look at me and speak to me." He told her firmly. He wasn't going to let her avoid and ignore him.

"Fine, since you won't leave me alone, I'm leaving. Thank you very much for ruining my day." She muttered. She rose off her bar stool and slapped a few bills on the bar before walking out of the Grill.

"Where do you think you're going? You can't just walk away from me after three years!" He yelled after her.

"Why not? You did !" She yelled back. She walked outside into the falling snow. She zipped up her jacket and wrapped it tighter around her.

"I had to get out of here." He yelled, having followed her outside.

"Well you did! You got out of here for three fucking years Damon!" She yelled at him, turning to face him for the first time.

"That's not what we're here to talk about, we're here to talk about how you've just given up on life Elena." He told her lowering her voice.

"My mother died Damon! You left, my mother died what am I supposed to do? I'm sick of losing the people that I love." She yelled.

"Your dad and Jeremy called me, they asked me to come here and talk some sense into you. You're not the Elena I remember and love. I know what you're feeling Elena, I went through it for months when my mom died, why do you think I ran away? You just need to realize that all of this isn't going to bring her back. You need to honour her memory by being the best version of yourself." He tried to convince her.

"The Elena you remember doesn't exist anymore! She's gone and never coming back because you left her." Elena yelled.

"She can come back, you can still get her back. But you have to let go of this responsibility you have towards your mom's death. It's not your fault." He told her.

"How do you even know that I blame myself?" She asked softly.

"You forget that I went through something very similar when my mom died. I blamed myself; I thought she died because I didn't love her enough or something like that. But it's not your fault. It will never be your fault and no matter how hard you try you can't make it your fault. Your mom died of cancer, that's it. It wasn't anyone's fault." He told her softly.

"It's just so much easier to blame myself." Elena sobbed.

"I know, but you can't. If you blame yourself, you lose everyone who loves you. Your dad and Jer are so worried about you. They were worried enough to call me." He said smoothing some stray hairs out of her face.

"What did they want you to do?" She asked.

"They're not asking me to change you or make you better, your dad just wants me to get you home for Christmas dinner tomorrow night. He wants you all together for Christmas." He told her.

"I can't, I can't face him right now." Elena cried. It was cold outside and she was shivering, the snow was falling. It seemed like Mystic Falls was going to get a white Christmas.

"He's not mad at you, he's just worried. Both him and Jeremy are. If you want I'll go with you, I'll stand by your side until you feel able to talk to them alone." He promised her.

"I don't know." She stuttered, the cold getting to her.

"You can think about it, let's just go somewhere." He told her.

"Where?" She asked uncertainly.

"Just somewhere, I don't know. At least it's warm in the car, and you seem to be about ten seconds away from being a Popsicle." He told her. She nodded and followed him to his car. When they were both inside he cranked up the heater so they could both thaw out.

They drove along until they came to this shady snow covered grove that overlooked the town.

"I haven't been here in years." Elena sighed when he pulled the car up to just before the edge.

"Me neither, I haven't thought about this place in years." Damon admitted.

"You're the only one I've ever been here with. I'm beginning to think that no one else knows about it." She admitted.

"You've never told anyone else about it?" He asked.

"No, it was always our place. When you left I couldn't even think about coming here, I always thought that you'd come home and we'd come here together. But it never happened. Eventually I just stopped hoping." Elena murmured.

"I'm sorry I didn't come back." He told her softly. There was Christmas music playing in the background and Elena sighed.

"It wasn't only that you didn't come back, you didn't call or text or anything. I never got one email or anything. No contact whatsoever. That was what hurt the most Damon." She confessed.

"I'm so sorry Elena, after my mom died it took me a long time to find myself again. I enrolled in school in San Diego and worked my ass off. It was the only way to keep my mind off the heart-wrenching pain I felt because of my mom and losing you. When I finally found myself again, I knew it was too late. I knew that it was pointless for me to come back because you would've moved on. Then I would have been where there again, ruining things again. I just couldn't do it." He admitted.

"I never moved on Damon. By the time I was ready to move on, my mom had gotten sick. Then I just needed you more than ever and I hated that. I hid my emotions the entire time she was sick, when she died I just lost it. I stopped caring about anything because I realized that caring about things made it more likely that you were going to lose them." She said.

"You never lost me Elena, I've thought about you every day over the past three years. I've never loved anyone else and I don't think I ever will." He confessed.

"I don't know how I feel about you, but at least I understand you a bit better now. I'm getting tired." She admitted.

"Do you want me to take you back to Caroline's?" He asked more confident now that she wasn't yelling at him anymore.

"Yes, can you pick me up for dinner tomorrow night?" She asked.

"For sure. I'll just text Jer and tell him that I'm going to be coming for dinner too." He told her.

"I'm sure they won't mind, you've always been a part of our family Damon." Elena assured him.

"You've always been my family Elena." He murmured. She smiled for the first time since she had found out he was there and he started up the car.

He waited until she was inside before he drove away. Jeremy and Grayson had been happy and relieved to know that Elena was coming home for dinner, and they welcomed him with open arms to join them. That family was his family. His father and brother didn't even cross his mind. Grayson had even offered him the spare room at their house. Damon had accepted, not wanting to get a hotel room or spend the night at the house he grew up in. He walked down the hall, past Elena's room and fought to not open the door. It was yet another memory of that night they made love, and how he royally fucked it up. He would be lucky if she ever wanted to go back there again. They had made progress today but that didn't mean she was filling to forgive and forget.

"So how did it go with Elena?" Jeremy asked.

"I think it went okay, I mean we're not back together or anything." Damon told his best friend.

"Do you want to be?" Jeremy asked.

"I'm still in love with her Jeremy." Damon told him knowing that was what he wanted to know.

"Do you plan on sticking around this time?" Jeremy asked.

"For sure, definitely. But unless she decides she wants me, I'm going back to San Diego. I can't stay here if there is no hope for reconciliation with Elena." Damon told his friend.

"I for one hope you get back together. I could honestly picture you being my brother in law, that would be pretty cool." Jeremy enthused.

"Yeah, but in the end it's up to her. I don't want to rush things, I just want to enjoy Christmas with you guys. You, Elena and Grayson are my family, Stefan and Giuseppe will never even rank." Damon mentioned.

"Cool, I know we all consider you a member of our family too. But I better get to bed, have to be up early to help dad cook." Jeremy said before leaving the room.

The next evening Damon parked the Camaro outside Caroline's house and honked the car horn. The door opened moments later and Elena rushed out, looking beautiful as always.

"Hi." She greeted him when she slipped into the passenger seat.

"Hey, how are you?" He asked when she had her seat belt done up.

"Nervous, but excited. Merry Christmas by the way." She told him.

"Merry Christmas Elena, you look beautiful by the way." He complimented.

"I took some time getting ready today, and I haven't had a drink all day." She enthused with a smile on her pretty face.

"That's good. Your dad and Jeremy are excited that you're coming home." He murmured.

"I know they've been worried about me, and I know it's my fault. I hope that being sober tonight and happy that maybe they will stop worrying." She tried to explain.

"They will worry about you until they know you're okay." He told her.

"I know, so when do you go back to San Diego?" She asked not at all ready for him to leave her again.

"I don't know, that depends." He admitted.

"On?" She probed.

"You." He muttered.

"Oh." Elena answered not sure how else to respond. They spent the rest of the car ride in silence until they pulled up outside the Gilbert House.

"Are you ready for this?" He asked.

"Yes,." She told him. "I'm always ready with you beside me."

"Me too, Elena we're going to have to talk about us eventually. I know there isn't an us at the moment but there could be." He uttered as they walked up the front walk.

"We'll talk Damon, but can we just get through dinner first?" She hoped.

"Of course." He assured her. Together they walked through the front door and were greeted by Grayson and Jeremy.

"Merry Christmas sweetheart." Grayson said hugging his daughter. The house was done up in traditional Christmas decorations, there was a large tree set up in the corner with dozens of ornaments adorning it.

"Merry Christmas daddy." She greeted, returning his hug. Grayson passed his daughter onto Jeremy and he hugged her.

"Merry Christmas Lena." Jeremy said to his one year younger sister.

"Merry Christmas Jer." She murmured with her face buried in his shirt.

"Thank you Damon for bringing her back to us." Grayson said emotionally.

"No problem Gray." Damon brushed off the older man's thanks.

"Well come on and eat then. Don't want the turkey getting cold." Grayson said happily. Elena beamed and followed them into the kitchen. In usual seating fashion, Damon sat beside Elena and across from Jeremy, Grayson sat on one of the ends and the other chair at the end sat empty. That chair would always be Miranda's. The group of four ate Christmas dinner and reminisced about the old times together.

"Ha, remember that time you and Damon ditched Elena to go to the Grill with some other friends? She was so angry at you guys, she didn't speak to either of you for days." Grayson roared.

"I remember that, out of spite she tore all the posters off my wall." Jeremy recalled.

"It so wasn't my fault, I was only a year younger than them, I should have been able to go! Besides I had the hugest crush on Damon, I wanted to be wherever he was." Elena admitted.

"Ah yes... Elena's crush: the worst kept secret in all of Mystic Falls." Jeremy remembered.

"Shut up." Elena exclaimed.

"Come on Lena, I knew all about the notebook that you had." Jeremy spoke with his eyebrows raised almost all the way to his hairline.

"What notebook?" Damon asked curiously, while Grayson looked on clearly wanting to know too.

"Never-mind." Elena stated quickly.

"Oh it was just this little book that she had her name written in over and over again with Damon's last name tacked on at the end." Jeremy said nonchalantly. The table was silent for a moment until Damon and Grayson burst out in laughter. Tears were coursing down Damon's face as he laughed.

"It's not funny... I was a teenager and I had a crush. I wasn't in control of my feelings." Elena whined.

"That.. that is priceless. I may have to get a hold of that notebook." Damon stated wiping some stray tears out of his eye.

"That notebook was destroyed years ago." Elena muttered.

"That's really too bad." Damon muttered clearly plotting.

They laughed several more times during dinner, but when they were finished eating Damon stood up and offered to clear the table.

"Nah, Jeremy and I will handle it, you've done too much already." Grayson declined.

"Are you sure?" Damon asked.

"I'm positive, why don't you and Elena go and do something. It's been a long time and you should spend some time together." Grayson probed, clearly hoping for a reconciliation between the two.

"Maybe I will take you up on that offer." Damon decided.

"Yeah, I think I'd be willing to be seen with him." Elena agreed.

"Well good. Get out of here you two." Grayson said pointing to the door. Elena smiled and shrugged into her jacket before hugging her dad once again.

"I'm sorry about the last few months." She apologized.

"It's okay, you handled your grief in your own way." Grayson comforted his daughter.

"I'm on my way back, it'll just take some time." Elena insisted.

" I know, now get out of here." He said pointing to the door with a smile on his face.

"Where do you want to go?" Damon asked once they were walking towards his car.

"Can we go back to our spot, maybe talk some more?" She asked.

"Yeah, that's what I was hoping for." He decided. They made the drive back to the cliff slowly due to the snow still falling from the sky.

"I love the snow." Elena sighed happily.

"I just don't like the cold, I have no issues with the snow when I'm inside and watching it fall but it can go away when I'm outside." He explained.

"Come on Damon, you can't tell me that you don't like snowball fights or making snow angels?" Elena scoffed.

"I don't mind snowball fights but you will never see me making snow angels." Damon told her.

"I couldn't see you making one either." Elena laughed at the image in her head.

"You also never will see it." He told her. Her laughter died down and she looked at him seriously, "Did you miss me at all while you were gone?"

"I missed you every single day I was gone. I'm pretty sure I've said that already." He exclaimed.

"Then why didn't you come home? I waited for you Damon" She cried.

"I wanted to but I thought you moved on. It had been so long." He murmured.

"I loved you so much Damon damn it I never stopped!" She cried before closing the small amount of distance between them. Her tears soaked his face as she lost herself in the kiss. He kissed her back eagerly, the years apart making no difference to them.

"Show me Damon, show me that you still love me." Elena begged as she slipped out of his embrace into the backseat of the car.

"Elena, are you sure?" He asked not wanting to take advantage of her.

"I asked for it didn't I?" She asked rhetorically. She grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him into the backseat of his car. Before he fell on top of her she whipped her top off and unbuttoned her pants. She pulled them down and spread her thighs.

"It's cold in here Elena, I don't want you getting sick." He worried.

"If you're so worried about it then lay down with me. Warm me up." She said unbuttoning his shirt. He gave in with a sigh, pushing his dark jeans down just enough to free his erection. He positioned himself at her entrance and locked his gaze with hers before shoving inside her. She moaned and pressed her eyes shut at the feeling of being so intimately joined with him once again. It had been so long since they had last been together like that.

"God I've miss you being inside me like this so much." She breathed.

"Fuck, I missed it too." He moaned. He slowly started flexing his hips into hers, the backseat of his car not ideal for the activities they were engaging in.

"I missed you so much." She sighed. She dug her nails into his shoulders when he hit a particularly sensitive spot inside her.

"Fuck..." She moaned. Elena locked her legs around his waist giving him more space to move inside her. He changed his position slightly so his pubic bone rubbed against her clit on every thrust causing her to moan loudly.

"Are you close?" He asked knowing that the end was near for him.

"Yes, so... so close." She breathed. She was having a hard time keeping her eyes open but she forced herself to keep her eyes locked on his. She wanted to see the emotion that was so clear in his blue gaze. His eyes always conveyed everything she needed to know. She dug her nails into his back when her orgasm washed through her, her eyes pressed shut and her feminine walls clenched around him. Her muscles continued to flutter when his climax hit him like a tidal wave of pure pleasure.

"Fuck... I missed this so much." Elena sighed when the waves subsided and she was lying in Damon's embrace.

"Elena, whatever you want, it's yours. You know that right?" He asked.

"Even if all I want is you again?" She asked needing to make sure.

"Especially that." He assured her.

"I want to be able to call myself your girlfriend again." Elena decided.

"I can handle that, I want to be able to call myself your boyfriend again too." He breathed.

"Done." She grinned.

"So, it's starting to get late. Where do you want me to take you?" He asked.

"I want you to take me back to my dad's house and I want you to stay with me. We don't have to have sex again, I just want you to hold me again, like before." She told him.

"Like before. I really really need to thank you brother for bringing me back." He decided as he redressed quickly. She did the same and climbed back into the front seat of the Camaro.

"You're not going to leave me again are you?" She asked nervously.

"I'll have to go back to get some stuff and deal with some things, but I came back for you, and nothing will make me leave you again." He promised.


End file.
